1. Work on your love CV?

“Spend some time writing a bio [on a dating app]. If you’re not sure where to start, start anyway and start small. Sharing details about yourself shows an intention to be present in the space. And know that it’s not static – keep changing and evolving it as you explore.” Ana Kirova, CEO of Feeld, a?dating app “for the curious”

2. Your type is a trap

“Your friends know you better than an algorithm does. Having them set you up with someone they think you’d like seems to have a relatively high success rate. Abandon your type; your type is a trap. The people I know and interviewed fell in love when they took a?chance on something a little bit different.” Jessie Stephens, podcaster, writer and author of Heartsick: Three Stories of Falling In Love… And What Happens After It Ends (Pan?Macmillan)?

3. Give it space

“We need to be in a space where we can be gently held and free simultaneously. If we’re striving for a perfect match and we feel like we’ve found someone, we can hold onto them very tightly. That can prevent a relationship from ‘becoming’. One of the questions I ask young people in sex-ed classes is, ‘Why do people have romantic relationships?’ I get them to write a list. Then I ask, ‘Which one?of those things can?only be achieved through being in a romantic relationship?’ None of them. All of the things we seem to?want from a romantic relationship, we can?get from other sources. If we have this?more abundant way of thinking about relationships there might be less pressure on them, which means we might hold onto the idea of romantic relationships more lightly.” Justin?Hancock, sex and relationships educator?

4. Play the numbers game?

“Six out of 10 couples now meet on a dating app. Until there’s a better way, this is the way, statistically speaking. People dip their toe into the apps and say, ‘Not for me.’ The reason they get so frustrated is because they’re looking for some sort of energy-read with a few bad pictures. Don’t try to figure out if Bob is going to be your person. Look at it through a different lens: they’re either in the zone or not. In the zone just means they’re ticking a few basic boxes – that’s all you have. Play the numbers game: say ‘Hi’ to 20 people a?day. Out of those 20, maybe a couple will respond. Go on one date a week. A?mini screener is one of my big rules. It’s hard to meet people if you’re looking through a thin lens. Guess what happens when you are trying to be perfect in your dating life? No one can get?to know you.” Amy Nobile Messing, founder of holistic dating coaching service Love,?Amy

5. Write a “don’t” list

“Work out your dealbreakers – anything from not liking kids or laziness to rudeness or taking drugs. You can have up to five, and if they show up, you deploy your parachute and exit the building. There’s no, ‘Oh, when he gets to know me he’s going to?be different’, or ‘Maybe she’s having a?bad day’. We’ve learnt those lessons.” Sara Davison, break-up and divorce coach?

6. Don’t be afraid of casual relationships

“When you’re young, you think you have to?go out with someone a few times before something happens. When you get to my age [70], carpe diem! I don’t think it’s bad for a woman in her 60s to have a friend with benefits. You can get a little bit hurt maybe. But sometimes it’s the person you?don’t have a relationship with as a?boyfriend who can lead you to things you?haven’t done before and open the way for other relationships. You have to open your mind a little bit and be spontaneous.” Tina?Pemberton, “senior sexpert” at Lovehoney and founder of @tinagoesdating

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7. Beware of scammers

“Anyone who wants to take things off the apps really quickly gives me scammer vibes. I always tell my clients, ‘Don’t go on WhatsApp, that’s where the scammers live.’ A lot of people are using AI to run their chats for them. If the language, tone, energy and humour is different to what they’ve provided on their profile, you might think, ‘Hmm… something else is going on here.’ Before you physically meet anyone, have a call or a video with them. Make sure it all matches up.” Anwar White, dating and relationship coach?

8. Look for authenticity?

“Ask the hard questions. Are they able to answer them, and are you OK with the answers? People say what you want to hear. I like to ask people questions and, over time, I want to see if they are telling the same story. If they aren’t telling the same story, it probably isn’t true. But if you catch them saying the same things, most likely, it is. Time is important when you’re looking for a long-term relationship versus that immediate connection. There are so many opportunities and choices today with online dating, people are used to going through the routine, saying the things that people want to hear. Love bombing is real: people fall into that trap all the time.” Daphney Poyser, CEO of – and matchmaker and head coach at – Fern Connections, a?LBTQIA+ and ally-inclusive coaching and?matchmaking company

9. Try being boring

“Have the courage to be uninteresting. Avoid clever one-liners, heavily edited selfies and the pressure to stand out. Instead, lean toward genuineness. Remember that it’s acceptable for love to?take time, express your desires and be authentic.” Veronica West, psychologist and founder of therapy resource site My?Thriving Mind

10. Don’t forget your friends

“Some of the best relationships come from?mutual friends. If you’re going out and?doing things that you love and you make friends in that community, you might?meet someone. In the digital realm,?everyone has?to brand themselves. It’s nice to meet someone offline and not?see their digital persona first.” Lauren?Faye,?founder of Clo, a creative studio, and Clo Circle, a monthly philosophy club designed to fight loneliness and depression?

11. Honesty is the best?policy

“A survey of Tinder users in 2022 found that they’re looking for someone who’s upfront about their relationship goals. So be clear on what you’re looking for in your profile, whether it’s something long-term or?if you’re simply open to seeing where it goes.” Paul Carrick Brunson, global relationship science?expert at Tinder

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12. Take a hike

“We’re very much a consumer society: we expect our needs to be met very quickly. And the minute you’re dating for your needs being met, you’re on the losing side of the equation. We go for a drink or a coffee and ask a lot of questions – but it’s not a job interview. Walking in the park is a?better idea – you’re doing something rhythmic, something mutual. It’s easier to be a little bit more vulnerable sometimes. Don’t waste time chatting [on the apps] – if someone doesn’t want to meet up with some relative speed, just move on. Otherwise a lot of pressure builds up and you can often lose momentum in what could have been great.” Kelli Novak, psychotherapist at London private mental health care and wellness centre?The Soke

13. Stay curious?

“To get the life you want, you have to take some risks and get out of your comfort zone. We should approach dating with curiosity and interest, not think of each date as a test to see if we’re boring or unlovable. As a gay boy in rural Oklahoma, I was going on discreet dates at truck stops,?so, hey – here’s to progress!” JP?Brammer,?artist, writer and founder of?queer advice?column ?Hola Papi!

14. Be realistic?

Natasha: “Think about what you want the commitment for and remember that you may very well have to make trade-offs in order to get it.” Luke: “Be self-aware and realistic. Ask yourself confronting questions. Are your desires and attractions narrow and restrictive (why might that be)? Are you comfortable with uncertainty, and allowing a relationship to shape you as a person?” Dr Natasha McKeever and Dr Luke Brunning, lecturers in applied and interdisciplinary ethics at the University of Leeds?

15. Start with yourself

“If you’re not content and secure in yourself, you’re never going to feel that with someone else. If anything, it’s going to exacerbate your insecurities. Make sure you, yourself and I are in tip-top condition, you’re eating as well as you can, you’re moving your body, you’re happy in your job, with your friends. You’ve got a full life without that extra person. It’s not about finding someone to complete you, it’s about completing yourself and then finding someone else who is completed to spend time with.” Annabelle Knight, sex and relationships expert at, and ambassador of, Lovehoney